Yesterday, I found myself crying again. There’s really been a lot on my mind. I wasn’t exactly feeling sad sad but my heart was just heavy and I needed to vent.
It’s weird, in a way–like I have no idea where all of this rush of emotion came from but when it did, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And I’m not even exaggerating. I really couldn’t breathe.
I went to my sister’s room, opened the door to her balcony and walked out. I needed to get some air, I needed to clear my head. It was night time and it was freezing cold but I stood outside for almost an hour.
I just cried and cried until there was no tears left–until I was feeling light again. I let my tears trickled down my cheeks, then to my shirt, never once wiping them away.
Both my sisters were in the room the entire time. They know there are times where I’d feel blue and they’d leave me be. And I’m really glad.
Because there is a certain kind of beauty to drowning yourself in your sorrow all by yourself, all the while knowing there is someone who is constantly there for you without having to stand beside you.
And when I said I was feeling light again, I meant it. I went back inside, sat next to them on the bed and just talked as if nothing happened. As if they didn’t just see me cry before, as if there was nothing bothering me an hour ago.